Will you blow on my dice?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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