i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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