Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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