My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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