Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
