Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
