Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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