I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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