I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
