btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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