you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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