I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
