I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
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It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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