I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
