i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
