Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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