dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So squirting runs in the family.
I will pee on everything he values.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
