i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
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The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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