You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
