have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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