we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
