reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Everyone says I win the strip club
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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