I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
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I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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