Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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