Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
