You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
