Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
