it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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