DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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