Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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