I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
