I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
