made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
