He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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