I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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