why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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