the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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