I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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