My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
