sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
