Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
