I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
