I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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