Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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