Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
