Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
