Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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