I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
