Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
