Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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