guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
