Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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