I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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