help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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