Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
