The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
