I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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