no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
