You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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