wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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