we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
