Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
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Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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