Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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