A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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