i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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