dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
