just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
