i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
