the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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