So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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