No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
